Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
