hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
