I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Randomize
