You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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