Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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