Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
