I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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