I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
