so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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