you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
