you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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