just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
