I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
