my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
