i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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