Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
