I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize