i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
