i need an iv and a liver transplant
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
