She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
