we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
