he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
