I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
