I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
