Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
