omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
