No awkward lesbian experiences without me
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
