Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize