I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
