He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
