I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
