i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
