would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
