I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
