4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hippo gnu deer
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
