Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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