"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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