Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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