I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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