I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
