trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
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