It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
soo... how was my night?
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