i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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