I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
