We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
