in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
