today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
