Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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