When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
