Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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