thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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