There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
