Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
