Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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