I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
