BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
