and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize