Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We had sex on a dog bed..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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