He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So vagazzling was a success
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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