The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
