The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize