Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
