They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
