So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
